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Kicking Social Beauty Standards In The Ass

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There are so many freaking standards, labels, and expectations in this world. Frankly  I’m tired of them! Well, let me be real and say that I’ve BEEN tired of them for quite some time.  I used to be an extremely materialistic, image driven woman in my late teens and early twenties.  My self esteem tank was completely empty, so my way of feeling confident and defining my self worth was in clothes, labels, and possessions.  I was driven by the  need to be noticed and admired.  However, after all the effort put into looking good on the outside, my inside was  ugly and in need of a true makeover.  The only way for me to heal the inside, was to take back the power that I had given to everyone and everything on the outside.  I had to learn to define who I was as a woman in regards to character, personality, talents, and abilities.  I had to ask myself: “Who am I and how do I want to make my mark on the world?”  I began to gradually connect with my authentic self, embracing who I was without surrendering to the pressure of what society expected me to be. That is how I began on my path towards body image liberation.

Once I began to connect with the real me and learn more about being my authentic self,  I realized that self expression is a freedom we all have the right to.  I have the right to express myself without succumbing to the pressures of social expectations.  As a Black, full figured, female I have plenty of social standards and expectations that others attempt to judge me by.  I have learned to reject these social standards and create personal standards for myself.    Below are a few that I encounter often.  Feel free to comment below and let me know what are the social standards that you feel pressured by and the ones you have learned to defy.   I have included my truth that I have learned to embrace, and the affirmations that I keep before me.   I’d love to share them with YOU!   So, if they resonate with you get your own copy here: http://sbls.info/1eIfjVp


Here Are Some Kick-Ass Affirmations For You:

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Ivy Cooper, The Body Relationship Coach™ is a professional health coach and body image expert. She offers education, empowerment, and encouragement to help people build health, loving relationships with their body and self.
  • http://lisacwrites.com/ Lisa R Charles

    It’s like kicking a habit and saying, “I no longer need you in my life. I can make it without you just fine.” It takes courage to look inside and face those things that keep you in bondage to standards put in place by yourself and other people. But, I’m a living witness that it can be done and it keeps me singing and dancing to my own beat, everyday. It’s inspiring to read this and witness others doing the same. Thanks, Ivy.

    • / Ivy LaArtista

      Yes @lisarcharles:disqus dancing to your own beat is so beautiful! I think every time we turn down the outside “noise” of social standards, we can hear our own beat more and more clear. Thank you for reading and sharing your love.

  • Aisha

    Thank you so much for this!

    • / Ivy LaArtista

      Much love Aisha! I am glad that this blessed you.

  • Smell Good Spa™

    Great post, Ivy. I agree and can relate to that frame of mind in my twenties. I personally think when applied right, makeup enhances beauty


    • / Ivy LaArtista

      Thank you for reading Itiel!

  • Steph

    This is an absolutely wonderful post. Embracing who we are as individuals despite society’s standards, is fundamental in the journey to finding true happiness.

    • / Ivy LaArtista

      Thank you Steph! I appreciate you reading. You are right, embracing who we are is where it all begins.

  • Brandi

    I’ve been on this self acceptance journey, but I have to admit it’s been hard. It’s really hard seeing inspirational plus size sistas just vanish from the media and now become in with the thin crowd. Sistas like Monique, Jennifer Hudson, Tocarra, Gladys Knight, Angie Stone, and many others. Even “some” video vixens have conformed. These were all women who preached self love, and told people they were healthy and happy the way they were. Even on blogs I used frequent for plus size women which promoted “HEALTH” and “BEAUTY” as plus size have features every other day about losing weight and getting to their goal size or “High School” weight. It took me forever to find a blog like this, because of that and that there aren’t many size acceptance blogs, especially one’s for black women, since there’s so much stigma regarding being black, woman and of size. Then on top of that the face behind the eradication and discrimination of people of size is a “thin” black woman (Michelle Obama) adds fuel to the fire. Black female beauty is often under a microscope, we don’t fit in, we don’t look like everyone else so we always have to try and compensate for being black women. Being dark skin, fat, and black is in society’s eyes blasphemy. I have started blogs myself for self acceptance amongst sistas of size and thick sistas. I don’t have the means to pay for it so I can receive traffic for followers but it’s okay.The media influences and so does social media, and though it seems like many of us have given in, I will be the one who tries to change things. I’m only 25, I’m still in my struggling phase, but hopefully I will overcome it. I had bulimia from middle school to college, and it’s not fun, ever. I’m just sick of the obsession with weight amongst women, why are women reduced to just being physical eye candy for men? It’s pointless and damaging to us, and it seems like no one cares. Hopefully we can make a change. But the size acceptance movement needs to intersect more and involve people of color.

    • / Ivy LaArtista

      Hi Brandi. Thank you for reading and commenting. It sounds like you have a lot of strong feelings around the topic of weight and image, which I can relate to because it’s my passion too. I can understand what you are saying about women who were held in esteem as “pro curves” role models. However, I think that confirms that fact that we need to learn to love ourselves for who we are and not look for validation in other people. I believe it’s the right of those women to be any size that they choose, just like it’s your right as well. Truth is, sometimes people change their minds and change is definitely a part of life. One thing I would encourage you to do, as this blog post is saying, release the social expectation of yourself and others. As long as we try to measure up to any external social expectations we will be frustrated and unhappy. Whether it be weight, body type, or skin tone, we don’t have to meet any one else’s approval. That is something that takes time, but it is absolutely possible. I’d love to assist you with methods of doing so, if you’d like to explore that freedom, please feel free to reach out to me. Peace & Blessings!

  • http://drmarctagon.com/ Marc A.

    Great read! Society is so influential in how we feel about and treat ourselves to the point where everything we say and do is to get other people to accept us and we become disconnected from who we are. Excellent affirmations chart too!

    • / Ivy LaArtista

      Thank you @drmarctagon:disqus for reading and commenting! You are right. If we are to concerned about the “others” it distracts us from our own lives. I’m glad you like the affirmations. Please feel free to share them!

  • Virginia

    This is a powerful article that can bring liberty to those that will apply it. All I could say is love it, love it. Even though I am a middle age woman, I always keep before me that I am not here to please others or dance to their tune. That helps me to accept myself and my “flaws” if that is what society calls them. I use makeup as an enhancer to my beauty not change who I am. The affirmations are dynamic and they show the strength “you” have within yourself. I will print out and share with others and keep before me. “Love It, Love it”

    • / Ivy LaArtista

      Thank you for reading Virginia. I glad that you already are on the path of defining yourself. Yes, please do share the affirmations with any who can benefit from them!

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